Are you a people person? Good. Now, are you a pleaser person? Not that good. Trying to please other people or putting their needs ahead of yours is sometimes considerate and thoughtful, but other times is just draining. I mean, if you have a friend who has a problem and she calls you to meet her for a coffee, telling her that you have a manicure and won't be able to talk to her is being inconsiderate. Meeting her and instead of listening to her, talk about your problems is selfish. Cancelling your appointment to have coffee with her is considerate. Taking her to a manicure so you both can enjoy some girl time and chat is smart. But if you find yourself helping others and constantly asking yourself "when is it going to be my turn?" then there's something we need to change there.
I used to be that girl, taking care for the rest of the people surrounding me, trying to make everyone happy, pleasing everyone until I found out that some people were taking advantage of that. My boss started putting me extra shifts with no notice, friends used to call me when they were in trouble but when I wanted to talk to them they suddenly disappeared with no track and my life started feeling miserable. One day I decided I was going to be selfish. It's a strong word, because no one wants to be selfish or meet someone like that, but I decided it was time for me to start balancing my life and not only giving but also getting.
I said 'no' to my boss. I said I had to study, I had work at my lab, and that if she wanted me to work extra shifts she will have to at least let me know in advance so I can manage my time. I ended up quitting very soon since apparently that was an issue for her, but it was a good choice. I cut out negativity from my life, since that job was very negative. My boss was always complaining about all the staff and talking behind their back (and I wonder how many 'amazing' things she must have said about me). Getting out of there already started making my life simpler and I was able to breath properly without feeling stressed.
Next, I started a rule among my group of friends, with no phones to be used while dinner or mutual meetings. I found out really rude that while I was sharing some story they will be checking their phone, chatting with someone else at the same time or going on to facebook (some of them even picked up their phone to talk to their boyfriend without warning). When they needed my attention I gave them my full attention, so after that phone warning I started to check out who didn't deserve my attention and stopped frequenting them. It sounds mean, but why am I going to be 100% nice to someone that is not the same to me? Clean cuts. I cut out people from my life. Some of them I still keep hanging out with, but I know that if I had a problem or needed to chat, they will not the person I would go to.
Next, I started a rule among my group of friends, with no phones to be used while dinner or mutual meetings. I found out really rude that while I was sharing some story they will be checking their phone, chatting with someone else at the same time or going on to facebook (some of them even picked up their phone to talk to their boyfriend without warning). When they needed my attention I gave them my full attention, so after that phone warning I started to check out who didn't deserve my attention and stopped frequenting them. It sounds mean, but why am I going to be 100% nice to someone that is not the same to me? Clean cuts. I cut out people from my life. Some of them I still keep hanging out with, but I know that if I had a problem or needed to chat, they will not the person I would go to.
I also started hanging out more with positive people. I am a very positive person and I try to look at the bright side of everything (most of the time). Then, why would I like to hang out with someone that all he/she does is complain? Same as my boss who was an ocean of negativity, these people were mean and calling people 'stupid' and complaining about every single little thing. It was exhausting to listen to them, it drained my happy world. They were like the dementors sucking out my happy-shinning-people world. I decided to hang out with people that made me laugh, and that although we had different ways of thinking we could at least share good stories.
I am very happy with my life right now. I know who to call when I'm in need or trouble, and I know that they will give me their full attention, and if they can't at least they'll try to make it up for me as soon as possible. I have friends who are amazing at making me laugh, I have friends with whom I can have the most amazing and debating conversations, I have friends who love the same artists as me and we hang out to talk about them, and I have shallow clueless friends who are incredibly great to hang out with. I have a very diverse group of people surrounding me. And they're all unique. And they all understand that we need our own selfish time. And the funny thing is, having them you almost don't need to take out the 'Me Time' card anymore.
So if you want to live stress-free and in a very positive and happy way, I challenge you to start de-cluttering your life of these dementors of your life. Take out your wand and expecto-patronum them for once and for all. I'll bet you'll start noticing the difference in your life soon.
Yes, I'm a Harry Potter geek.
0 comments:
Post a Comment